This week is an emotional strain for me. It is my last week off with my girls before i return to work next Thursday and friday. It is impossible to explain the feelings i have about this i just cant believe how quickly this year has gone by! I mean , one year ! that is a really long time and yet it feels like only yesterday i walked away from school with a baby in my stomach full of the prospects of an amazing year with Emily and the new baby. And what an amazing year we have had. From really a hot summer to a snowy winter. Emily has gone to preschool in this year and Lucy has grown from a 7lb 12oz baby to a 17lb 1oz crawling babe. Where did the time go?
It is not that i dont like my job, because i do, i love it. I have missed the people i work with and of course the children and i am sure i will be very emotional and pleased to see them all. I just feel such a wrench at the thought of the relaxed life i feel i am leaving behind. It makes me so sad to think that that amazing year is over, never to be done again and from now on it the girls will just get bigger and older and life will change again.
I am worried about leaving them too of course. Lucy will be with an amazing childminder and Emily will be at preschool all day. Hopefully both will not find this too difficult. I am still feeding Lucy so this is a strain for her to be far away. It sounds stupid really as she does not feed much in the day at all but an instinct in me says she should be near. I never leave her with anyone, i really hope she will not be too upset. I worry that things will change. That she will resent me for leaving her. again stupid as i know Emily benefited in a way as she became a very outgoing child because she met other people.
I also have major butterflies in my stomach when i think of actually going in to school, standing infront of a class and teaching. A year is a long time! I am sure it is like riding a bike, i just find it all hard.
So this week we are preparing for the inevitable!
It is consuming me, making me cry at every turn and wishing i could turn back time.
2 comments:
No words of wisdom, but thinking of you and ((hugs))x
I'm sure everything will settle into a nice rhythm after a short while, and your girls won't resent it. Make the time you have together quality time, as I'm sure you do anyway, they'll love to see Mommy after her day at work.
Remember nothing is set in stone if you decide you want to change it after a while.
Take care, be gentle with yourself x
:-( time really does speed up the more children you have doesn't it. I am sure you will be fine, change is a scary thing. I remember getting upset going back to work with each of mine but they were absolutely fine. I luckily only work a full Sunday now but still remember going back to work after the eldest sweetpea and really worrying. Fingers crossed for you all. x
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